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Human nature is to question what we “sense” as uncomfortable as distasteful, ugly, inappropriate, super cool or even disrespectful. The “what was the person thinking? or “where did they get the idea that mix worked?” or “Wow, takes a bunch of courage to leave the house in all those colors and patterns and carry it off so well”, are likely thoughts similar to those you’ve experienced, shared openly or kept to yourself and yet admired the persons who were fearless and confident enough to paint a unique canvas that would draw the attention of others. Reality, that person likely didn’t pay much attention to how it would be perceived by others, they just got dressed for themselves first.
This is not to suggest going out buying everything in magical Disneyland color and eliminate the safety of black, only consider you don’t fill your canvas with too much of one color, black. For those of you who might tremble at the thought of losing your black completely rest assured it has it’s place on every canvas!
You want your “canvas” to represent you not what others would chose or expect therefore, remember every canvas is unique to it’s artist and every artist empowered to chose the palate that will represent them. Slow down and before you travel the path of resistance think about the style canvas you want to paint and what colors can work on you. Eliminate all those negative messages associated with color now swimming through your mind, and try adding a hint of color daily somewhere whether it shows or not. Notice if you feel a difference. If it’s hidden think of the color as a secret.
Guaranteed to put a smirk on your face throughout the day knowing you have a hidden secret that is silly intellectually but useful if your day is riddled with difficulties. That intellectually silly secret might be the comic relief needed throughout the day.
So the next time you think of color as bad consider this, what would Disneyland look like all black, gray, navy and white? Boring!!!!!
“Fact is, first impressions are lasting ones and usually visual therefore how we chose to paint the canvas and be perceived will determine how well we want and will be heard.”
For the many who doubt the power of color I encourage you to take a look at “Brenda Cooper Style”. Perhaps you will rethink color after meeting her and witnessing the changes in your face, energy and the way others perceive you. I certainly did. Even with the vast knowledge and intuitive understanding I have about color it didn’t prepare me for the education I would get while watching and feeling the evolution of color being draped around my face. The way I felt and what I saw, affirmation of what I believed and shared with others prior to meeting Brenda. She confirmed what I felt about the effects of color and took it up several notches.
I do not claim to be an expert in color I only claim to own the canvas I paint daily. I follow my feelings and notice what it looks like and change if I’m uncomfortable. If I did subject myself to a canvas that gave me the “fidget factor” or caused my face to look like zombies from “The Living Dead”. It would be off and I’d start painting again.
You, the artist gets to paint your own canvas everyday however you chose. Why not chose to paint how you really feel? Challenged, think Disneyland or Fantasia somewhere on your canvas.
For more information about “Brenda Cooper Style” visit her Facebook page at: www.facebook.com/brendacooperstyle.
The best “gift” you can give your creative self.
In closing, painting your personal style canvas can be challenging if you allow your mind to tell you it is difficult. If only occasionally, let yourself be a child, indulge with abandonment and trust your color sense. The outcome might be refreshingly surprising.
Criticism or the indifferent comments doesn’t mean your canvas is not appreciated, it might just feel and look different to others.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Now go paint!!!!!
Give yourself permission without judgement.
The gift of giving is a “lifestyle” choice that just feels good. A lifestyle can represent anything that shows who we are as people. LifeStyle is not just about the clothes we wear it’s the day to day space we live in, our hobbies, the people we surround ourselves with and the choices we make to express ourselves in public.
Give yourself permission to learn, listen and be expressive confidently.
My personal frustrations with learning a different riding discipline, Dressage, after years of jumping, expressed a lifestyle behavior I was uncomfortable with. Instead of accepting or adapting to the self doubting behavior I asked my trainer, why was I being so challenged with the ride. I said, “She/Vera is so good with Sarah (rider pictured) what is about the way I ride, that makes it such a challenge besides time in the saddle or age”? Without a blink and his slight “all knowing” yet patient chuckle, he explained in one simple sentence, “A horse will remember the last rider on it’s back, not the current rider making the request. In addition, no matter how good or bad the technique, any changes made by a new rider would confuse her and require a subtle start over”. A light bulb moment for my riding experience and for the struggles I faced daily with how I expressed my lifestyle choices to others.
The lesson learned, and how my horse story ties into this article?
Consider this, the consistent choices I made from the start of my career and throughout about who I was and how I wanted to be perceived, were memorable, similar to the memory of my horse with the previous riders, be them good, bad or indifferent, they were imprinted. In order to imprint change with people, similar to my riding, it would take time, patience and a willingness to listen and grow, time to consistently alter the perception others may be holding onto through my actions by successfully giving them a view into who I was and wanted them to see, not just the clothes I wore and the position I held.
In order for others to see me as I wanted to be seen, I’d have to make some adjustments, let go of the “approval” seeking, be exposed, be open and be willing to accept who I am, what I can and want do for others to be “seen” differently, both inside and out of the “armor” of my clothes.
In other words, “Gift” myself with acceptance, share me, imperfections and all.
The perception or built in memory a human will hold onto can last forever unless a choice is made to create a new perception about who you want to be seen. At this point you might be asking, “How if I so chose, would I alter the perception others may have of me”?
Quite simply, alter the way you feel about yourself and take a “leap of faith” by trusting the choices you make about how you want to be perceived.
Who ever said a horse was not smart or that a life lesson couldn’t be learned by just one ride?
For the many who embark on the journey of remodeling a home I’m here to tell you it’s not so easy. Recently I took on the dubious task of tearing down my 995sf house and rebuilding it to 2300sf and what a project. Looking back I only wish I knew then what I know now and paid attention. Knowledge from experience is priceless and still can be painful when major decisions need to be made that are not in your personal “wheelhouse”. This is when the guidance and support of a trustworthy general contractor becomes critical to the many “hiccups” a construction project can have and there will be many. These guides we will offer come from experts in the field as well as personal stories from those like me who took the projects on themselves to save a “dollar” unknowing the “what if’s” to come down the road to completion. That said the tips offered by experts might be useful when and if you partake in the “remodel, rebuild, or new construction” of you’re living space. Sharing stories and offering useful tips can offer insights on what to expect.
Some useful quick tips you may or may not know before getting started:
- Interview at least 3 general contractors and ask for references along with license number.
- Make the calls or drive by the properties the contractor has completed or is still in progress. Look for tidiness and timeliness
- Never assume price makes a difference. This can affect the outcome. In other words less is not always better.
- Consider hiring a “job” manager if you’re not available to check on the project and keep to a schedule of completion. Be very clear with your expectations.
- Ask important questions that pertain to your property and city guidelines. These can be found online or by going to a City planning office to retrieve the necessary information about your property “lot”.
* Are you in a flood zone?
* Are there issues with the land that YOUR property is on that may require additional “special” permits?
* Do you need to fence the project while under construction? Will you need a “port potty”?
* Does your property have zoning restrictions?
* What type of permit are you pulling? Remodel, tear down, roofing, plumbing?
* Is your CONTRACTOR willing/able to provide details about the project and the permits required?
6. Know the answers from #5 it will support your decision for the
contractor you choose.
7. Create a list of questions that pertain to the “total” job that explains in details the bid presented. This is often where the trouble begins. Misunderstanding what the bid includes can cause much financial heartache down the road. Knowing the difference between finished carpentry and unfinished is just one of the possible problem areas.
Consider the following as a check list;
* Expected time of completion and a schedule of pay (if it seems fast then there are more questions to clarify)
* Insurance HE/SHE carries on subs (they must give you a signed waiver daily for workers and trades on the property)
* who pays what and when. This applies to materials and trades. Note if you pay direct there is no profit included however, the contractor will tack on his fee of 15% or whatever the negotiated percentage may be.
* the carpentry FINISH, who provides this person and find out the cost early on. This includes, trim, window installations and doors, basically all the finishing touches except the paint.
* the porta potties and fencing ( know how long you will be providing these upfront)
* trash removal
*ground leveling for irrigation
* who pays and when the sub contractors, which include plumber, electrician, stucco, heating and air, landscaping, carpenter, floors, paint.
These are only a few of the many questions and concerns which can present when making a decision about construction project. Knowing the answers and maintaining an open mind to listening carefully while interviewing prospective trades will make the process move smoother and be more enjoyable. Remodeling my house had its hardships but the end result could not have been better. In my case my contractor although in the end a challenge was the best choice for me at the time. Yes, I’d do it differently the next time.
In the meantime feel free to write in with questions and concerns about any home projects. Feedback is shared and embraced.
Good luck and share the journey!
Everyday I take a moment to absorb the beauty that surrounds me. That moment in the garden viewing the tomato plant I fondly named “Jack” or the new bright orange flowers that sprouted from the ocean of succulents the hummingbirds find richly delightful.
Lifestyle appears in many forms, through activities, the foods we prepare and enjoy, the clothes we wear, or simply by the friends we surround ourselves with. It also comes in many styles, from Target to Barney’s, a beach cruiser or mountain bike, the mountains or the shore, a teacher or a lawyer.
Your “life-style” is the combination of the many choices you make, ultimately becoming, your unique DNA for living.
Choose to live the life you want, Accept it may not always be harmonious, Release the expectations and Embrace the image you create. C A R E about you.
She immediately touches my childhood heart……
She brings back to a time of fun and laughter with my grandmother.
She’s got that sparkle in her eyes that is joyful and comforting. She even has the coiffed
hairdo and sparkle gold dress, such a resemblance.
The bottles around her , reminding me of all the empty hair color bottles used throughout my life in the salon where
I faithfully dedicated a good portion of my life. To hair in need! These memories are a great part of the life with mom
and grandmother we shared. How did I fall into the business? How did my doll fall into that pile? My gold dressed bottle surrounded image looks unmistakably full of elation or was that an image of myself I was seeing? She brings life to her still surroundings. I know her because she is me.
I never really attached myself to one particular doll as a child, but oddly enough….I feel the attachment to this doll.
She is telling me my story, my memories……
She makes me smile and shares my sense of freedom and enthusiasm. We are enjoying life in every space and place we go.
So nice to meet you my gold dressed Lost Doll. Thank you for bringing to life a time passed.
Real person living a real life
Earning loyalty and the confidence of clients, friends and new connections along the way is not as easy as it seems. Think of the last time you found yourself caught for the”right” words to express what you really thought to a friend, client, family member or someone you just met. If you felt the person was distracted, uninterested, annoyed, or upset it’s possible you crossed the line. Personal experience has taught me, the words we choose and the delivery we present are often perceived different than intended. The more typical interpretation whether intentional or not can appear as righteous, hurtful and mean when in truth the intention was from a loving and transparent place of support.
Interpretation is whatever the person receiving chooses to see and hear.
After years of considering what could have, would have, might have, or did turn the client or friend off I found by simply listening and observing the response I’d be more able to embrace their discomfort and support them better. The language the body speaks combined with a creative use of wordplay, easily allowed me to articulate my thoughts in a positive, compassionate and funny way under any circumstances that might otherwise have been uncomfortable.
The result “tami-ism’s” a polite and friendly way to express to others compassion and transparency.
BE SENSITIVE NOT INSULTING:
Sincere: Best used to describe something very expensive. When you are not sure how a “high” cost will be received or viewed try this approach, ” yes it’s a very SINCERE price point, I completely appreciate how you feel, let’s consider “friendlier” priced items “. This use of quirky words can quickly with humor take the edge off a potentially uncomfortable conversation. It can create curiosity about the intention of the conversation in a positive way and take away discomfort associated with how someone feels about price. Great word tool to use when cost can potentially be an issue while conversing with anyone. By mixing humor you’re safely able to determine the level of comfort your client or friend is willing to tolerate with regard to the price on any product. It is always important to consider how differently we see the cost of admission to “the look, the feel, the must haves” differently. Not everyone can or will understand the value of $14,000 for a handbag just because it’s on trend and its difficult to find therefore the cost is justified. Or $400 to listen to music through “blinged” out headphones. Would you?
Friendly: The alternative to sincere. A price received with more comfort in general. For example; ” I love those shoes, they are such a FRIENDLY price point”! Creates a sense of comfort knowing you understand and heard the price tolerance of the person your speaking too.
Generous: My way of saying, “that’s a bargain at that price for the look, the feel the must have!”. Better not to assume a person wouldn’t want a bargain no matter the status of their bank account. Instead, consider the appreciation in finding a great value for the look on trend that may be tired in one season. Lets face it WE all love a deal in some way or another and why not share the bargain even with those who appear to not need it. Doesn’t stop the thrill of finding and purchasing a nice little trinket at a nice “friendly” price!
The best way to express feelings about the behavior of others, ask yourself how you might want to hear it? Implement the Golden Rule.
The response may look and feel different, the end result, positive, funny and with love.
I know a lot of people who say that the three most powerful words are, “I love you.” I know others who disagree. They say that the three words are, “It’s all good.” And others I know say, with absolute certainty, that both those are wrong because the words are, “No F***** Way.” Just so we’re clear, what they say is perfectly fine, but what they say is also completely wrong. The three most powerful words in the English language are actually, “Don’t Tell Mom.”
Growing up as the younger sister, I heard those words a lot. “Don’t tell Mom, I ditched school and went to the beach.” “Don’t tell Mom, I used the money for gas and bought a pair of jeans.” “Don’t tell Mom, I’m moving to Florida.” (New Jersey, Upstate New York, Philadelphia…) And so her secrets stayed with me until she let them out herself. (According to an unwritten code of secret etiquette, that’s the right thing to do: it’s the secret teller who reveals the secret, not the secret keeper.)
So what is it about secrets? Is it a test of loyalty? Because if it is, I passed; I never told Mom. (Funny, it didn’t ever occur to me that the test of loyalty could have actually been one to my Mom, but no, that wasn’t it, it was always to my sister.)
But if it’s not a test of loyalty, what then? An initiation into a club? A Sisters Club where simply being a sister isn’t quite enough for membership? You have to be willing to lay it on the line for your sister, get in trouble for your sister, and cover her mistakes, too. I was accepted into that club and remain a card-carrying member.
Are secrets about asserting power over someone? I can see how it could look like that from the outside, but from the inside it never did. So what did it feel like?
It felt extraordinary. There was a whole world out there, but the world in here was so much more fun, and possibly dangerous. But danger that would always be lessened by having someone, my best someone, going through it alongside me.
If felt exciting. What would happen if something went wrong? What would happen if Mom found out? (Because honestly, Mom always did find out. Are those powerful 3 words really, “Mom found out!”) But until she did find out, it was just the two of and we knew we were unstoppable and we knew we would emerge victorious. (Except when we didn’t, which never seemed to matter that much anyway.)
But mostly, it felt like love. This is how two sisters love each other, through secrets we tell each other, not ones we keep to ourselves. This is how two sisters support each other, through secrets we keep for each other. This is how two sisters go through life together, through secrets that make us stronger together than we could have ever been on our own.
“Don’t tell Mom, but I figured it out.” This is the way she wanted us to be in the world…there for each other, all the time, always.